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What does being a manager actually entail? That you manage?

Well, we all manage.

What do people mean when they say that they’ll manage? They mean that they don’t really know what they’re doing, but that they’ll blunder through somehow; that they’ll somehow escape from a situation unscathed, barely succeeding in the face of their own ignorance and general incompetence. Management isn’t about triumph – it’s about getting away with things.

So why not go on a management training course? Learn how to muddle by more effectively. Learn how to muddle through a wider variety of situations.

On a management training course, you’ll learn skills such as retaining positivity in the face of relentless bank holiday traffic. ‘How are we going to cope with this?’ someone will ask. ‘Oh, we’ll manage,’ you reply.

You’ll also learn about having only one car, where before you had two. You’ll learn to manage through the use of public transport, cadged lifts and insanely complicated plans involving depositing the car somewhere and the other person picking it up later on their way back from such and such a place.

Finally, you’ll learn how to take part in complex activities with entirely inappropriate equipment. You’ll surf with your glasses on. You’ll rock climb with your dad’s harness from the 1970s. You’ll camp with only a quarter of the tent pegs.

In short: you’ll manage.